The following blog is a reprint of I reply I made to some clueless buttwipe on CL who had the audacity to insult my entire gender because he's all butt hurt that his opposable thumbs haven't quite seperated him from the other apes. I am an avid reader of the Rants and Raves section, and sometimes respond when a post is interesting enough, but usually I just read and move on. On this particular day, a guy was bitching about how the hookup section of CL is populated by women who "just dont get it", when actually, HE, and men like him, are the ones who really don't get it. I posted this quaint little "fuck you" then promptly forgot about it... until I started recieving mass emails from people who thought it was hilarious, and that this douche got exactly what he deserved. Enjoy!
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Dear Male Poster on Craigslist,
While we females appreciate the honesty and straight forwardness of your post about what stupid, silly twats you consider all of womankind to be, I feel that you have some misunderstanding about the female species. Either that or you are an insufferable bore who can’t get a date, in real life or online, and therefore feel the need to bash females in the faceless forum of Craigslist. And while I did enjoy reading a post that was creative and well written, and not the usual crap about the Hanson’s and restaurant reviews, I feel the need to address your post from a female perspective.
1. Granted, all men are NOT 6 feet tall. But if we women are online looking for random hookups, we want to at least bang a stranger we find attractive. Who wants to screw someone who only comes up to our chins?
2. You say that most men already have a wifey... we say they should go back to wifey, and let our random sex commence with other singles. We will have enough to feel guilty about once our clothes come back on anyway, without having to add home wrecking to the list.
3. You seem to be so put out by having to read a woman’s post that consists of more than hard core sexual fantasies. But women like to talk; it’s a fact. Why would that change just because we’re online? If you want to get laid anywhere, you are going to have to listen to us talk and pretend to be interested in what we have to say. Why? Because we are the ones who are in possession of the vaginas you are so desperately seeking.
4. Women who are apparently wasting your time making small talk are doing so because they are trying to decide whether or not the person they are communicating with is a creeper, or a rapist, or something even worse.
5. Those women who don’t want to “fork” are most likely posting under the LTR category, and since you’re having no luck in the Casual Encounter section, you make your way to an area where women actually hope to find a boyfriend, in the hopes you will find a random whore who miscategorized her post.
6.Seems that you have a problem with women being players...but its ok for men to be? Besides, it’s the female “players” that are the most likely to put out.
7. You tell us not to expect you to be Adonis, but your posts are pretty descriptive asking for “a hot blond with big knockers, between ages 18-22.” Hypocritical, much?
8.Granted, tits and ass are a highly interesting topic for men, but why describe ourselves in great detail when all we get in return from you is a blurry or dark picture of your unimpressive junk?
9. We won’t be offended if you ask about our physical credentials if you can accept the fact that women who post on here don’t look like Jessica Alba. Girls who look like that are at the bars, at least getting drinks bought for them before they make the mistake of going home with a stranger.
10. You urge us to “grow up and play the game by the rules”, yet you forget the fact that women hold all the cards here. We could go downtown and get sex in 15 minutes if we were so inclined. We dont need the internet. Maybe you need to follow the rules that have been set in place since cavemen stopped clubbing their partners over the head and dragging them off to their cave, and pretend that you're not a disrespcetful dillhole, at least until AFTER you get some.
11. Most of the ladies who DO post in the hopes of a casual hookup are NOT looking for “compensation”, because that is illegal, and it would be most embarrassing to explain to our parents that we were turning tricks to pay our rent.
12. Women are usually willing to only “play out of the box” with people we trust. If we have public sex with a stranger, anything could happen, including us unknowingly ending up on YouPorn because your friend was hiding nearby with a video camera.
13. It may be naïve of us to think that Prince Charming posted here, but it’s is equally naïve of you to assume that Jenna Jamison is looking for a hookup with a 40 year old balding man with a paunch.
14. The fact that men are sex animals hasn’t escaped us. But being dissed and dismissed on CL because her tits aren’t big enough doesn’t help your position, either.
15. We understand the sheer amount of spam that CL can deliver, and you trying to find out if we are real is understandable. Asking if we want to meet at McDonalds to hump in the bathroom is not. You have to put in a little more effort than 3 one line emails.
16. You admonish us to dress nice for a date... but I thought you we’re looking for a fuck buddy? I think what you meant was “dress like a tramp so I can get a boner the second I open my hotel door”.
17. Don’t worry if our ass looks fat? Ok, I have officially let go of all of my insecurities because a complete stranger who is objectifying me told me to do so. I’m starting to think that you have never actually been around a woman in your entire life. You clearly don’t understand us at all.
18. We won’t expect to get married because we posted a witty ad if you don’t expect to get laid because you posted a badly spelled, unpunctuated and possibly offensive ad. You want me to come over and suck your big hairy clock?
19. I sincerely doubt that any woman who actually answers these ads will enjoy their “date”, because if a man is too lazy to put on pants and get shot down at the bars like everyone else, he certainly won’t bother to worry about the woman’s pleasure.
20. And finally, if women are “one in a billion posters”, how come the w4m section of Casual Encounters is always bare?
While I enjoyed reading your witty post, I enjoyed it even more the first time I read it, in the Best of Craigslist section. Next time you have a gripe about womankind, try putting it in your own words, even though you probably aren’t clever enough to form a sentence. Thanks.
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